Alternate Arenas for Mariners Fanfest

Coordinating events on the quick for free, just call me your boy SG

There has been a lot of bad news out there lately. It’s been raining all day, I’ve had a few Amazon delivery delay emails, and apparently there is a new Star War I need to learn about to remain relevant at the dinner table. Naturally, as one does, I turn to the Seattle Mariners Twitter account as a beacon of hope for an otherwise terrible December 19th. What I learned was very unsettling.

What about my zipline? What about my uncomfortable photo opp with Mitch Haniger? How about the minor leaguer Q+A I planned on politely sitting through to ask Aaron Goldsmith a question about hair products? It’s all gone. In one fell swoop, the only reason to look forward to January or February was suddenly gone with the wind and/or the Stevehawks playoff hopes.

An announcement like this is enough to make it hard for me to want to stand up, look in the mirror and face the day, but I am learning at my advanced age, that for just about anything that could possibly go wrong, there is almost always a sweet, sweet, workaround. It is with my pleasure that I present to you:

ALTERNATE VENUES FOR MARINERS FANFEST

There are several factors in finding a suitable replacement for an event of such caliber. Tons of moving parts, and it’s really tough to nail down just one, so I’ve cobbled together a few options. Let me know what you think!

EMP – EMP! So cool! So modern! I went here for a work holiday party about three years ago. I think I saw Jimmy Hendrix’s guitar, Steven Tyler’s scarf, and I’m pretty sure that Billy Idol was serving me Manny’s on draft in exchange for my company mandated and strictly limited two drink tickets. EMP truly has it all. It can host a large amount of people and it’s conveniently located in the middle of the Queen Anne neighborhood. So you know parking will be great.

Pike Place Market – HEEYYYY, who wants to throw some fish?! Nothing better than getting your photo taken next to Taylor Motter and one of those giant brass pigs outside. Contribute to the gum wall as Dan Altavilla asks you what your favorite subject in school is! Have Jerry Dipoto help you negotiate a good price for that trinket to buy your aunt for her birthday. (JERRY D PRO TIP: Smash that trinket on the ground and you’ll find a fringey-back end starter inside. How do you think the Mariners got Sam Moll?) Sounds like a fun filled day to me.

The Space Needle – Think about it, you can make a real day of this. Start with your High-A standout Eric Filia at the bottom and make your way up the needle, all while meeting your favorite Mariner stars past and present. Drop a water balloon off the fourth floor with Norm Charlton, make eye contact with Dan Wilson half way up, fist bump with Ben Gamel near the top then, when you finally summit, zipline down with Joey Cora as he tells you that he was pretty close to being the manager and that he probably would have had a better handle on the bullpen if he had things his way. You can’t escape because you are in the same harness.

The Renton Landing – This is me being selfish because I live close and don’t want to drive on I-5 or take the light rail. Could be cool. We can go to TRENCHERS after.

The Proposed SoDo land for the SoDo Arena – Mariners, if my idea of not having to travel far was an intriguing one for you, you guys might like this one. There is a ton of land that they were going to build an arena on. Politics got in the way, and now they are just renovating Key Arena. I don’t want to get into it all right now, but this is opening up a TON of land. Plenty of room for activities. SoDo is a cool district. You can host the actual event in Showbox SoDo maybe have Sandfrog play. The rest of us can party at Hooverville across the street. Sounds like a nice and profitable idea.

Or, you know, we could all just go to Sluggers.

So You’ve Been Rejected

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Hello Seattle Mariners. I am publicly addressing you as anything that I say to you tonight won’t be any more humiliating than what has transpired this afternoon. So, I figured I could give you some unsolicited advice because when something like this happens, everybody comes out of the woodworks to tell you what they would do in your spikes.

There are a handful of ways to approach this, and there’s no right way to deal with rejection, but I can just tell you what has worked for me in the past. Move on, and move on quickly.

We get it, we’ve all been there before. This time it’s going to be different, we’ll change the game, we’ll make our intentions clear from the start, we’ll stick Nelson Cruz in the outfield more than once every 140 games, we’ll start going to church, etc. The fact remains, that you shouldn’t change who you are in order to fall in line to make somebody happy. You are setting yourself up for a lot more problems long term.

Use this as an opportunity to play the field and see what’s out there. This Dee Gordon that you just picked up seems nice, smart, charming, and willing to adapt to suit a very glaring, overlooked need. That seems nice. Maybe take a few meetings with some other eligible starters and see if they can’t help you along your way to self-improvement. Even if it’s just an invitation to Spring Training, it’s still something to help you get your mind off of him. Look at it as a way to really prioritize what’s important to you. As a ball club.

If there’s anything I know about you as an organization, it’s that you have never been haunted by your past and you’re always moving forward. So I know you’ll make your way through this. It seems scary right now, but I know we will end up stronger and smarter in the end.

At the end of the day, we are your friends and we want the best for you. You’re going to run into a lot of people reaching out for the next 7-10 days that will say this, but please know that I mean it when I say that if you need anything let us know.