Episode 21 – RAMPOD

Happy Opening Day hey wait….. what day is it ?

Nothing will summon D&B Studios to life like terrible, terrible Mariners news and Robinson Cano being suspended for eighty games is terrible, terrible Mariners news.

0:00-44:00 DAVID had to go WORK by pouring his BEER at a LOCAL WATERING HOLE so it’s just Scott and Nathan. The duo talk the Robinson Cano suspension/injury, Dee Gordon returning to second base, the Mariners fun first forty games, and more. BONUS, we think you’ll be surprised by the off brand positive tone.

45:00-57:00 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the debut of Hunkfilm Inc. We are not sorry, and incapable of shame.

As always you can subscribe and rate us on iTunes here. Additionally, we are now available on Google Play.

Thanks, as always, for listening. Please enjoy and Go M’s.

James Paxton threw a no-hitter, and is still nicer than you

On the Mariners newest ace pitcher

1. This is a story of tears. Not mine, certainly. I was raised with the tired and foolish notion that tears show weakness. My emotions can get plenty stirred, but years of that foolish notion have dug a pretty deep pit for me to keep them, so it takes quite a bit of turbulence to get them so agitated and bubbly that they actually come out. When James Paxton threw the sixth no-hitter in Mariners history last night, I silently put my arms over my head. My wife patted me on the shoulder, and said congratulations. Then we went back to our game.

It’s not about your tears, either, and I don’t say that as a rebuke. There are approximately fifty million things about our world today that could bring a person to tears, and almost all of them also require us to avoid that actual release of emotion. They require us to protect ourselves. Baseball’s beautiful, simple stories provide a wonderful exception to that, and if you found yourself with wetness trickling down your face while watching Paxton and his teammates jump up and down on the mound well congratulations you’ve found a way to use sports in a potentially healthy manner. I’m envious, really.

But still, the tears in focus here, the ones that purchased last night’s history, are those of a kid in his backyard in British Columbia. He’s a pudgy guy, one of those kids on the playground who becomes “it” in tag and can never catch a classmate, growing increasingly red, sweaty, and embarrassed as they remain forever just out of reach until he either quits, or the bell frees him.

He’s in the backyard, and he’s running, and he’s tired.. He wants to play sports, and he’s committed to get in better shape. His mother, watching all this play out in front of her, goes out to tell him “James, honey, you can come inside. That’s enough.” But he stays, and he runs, and he hates it, and he’s crying. When I think about that kid, and his tears, and flash back to last night, and this:

Pax No no

Well let’s say a better man would at this point add his tears to the party. I won’t, but I get mighty close.

2. I’m the jackass who, years back, in an effort to make up a nickname equal parts catchy and biting, coined the “Dadgut” term for James. Over time I’ve realized how insecure James may have been about his non-typical for an a professional athlete physique, and the very real harm in the idea of body shaming. James may never have heard that nickname, and he almost definitely won’t read this but still, James, I’m sorry for that. That was wrong of me.

3. It’s hard to define when exactly the listening/viewing experience of a no-hitter goes from the casual, background noise of another evening at home to “holy shit everyone shut up no I will not turn it down go play in your room”, but in this case it was exactly when Kyle Seager threw out Kevin Pillar.

The impressive thing isn’t the stop. It’s not that the ball was hissing and spinning and hopping like a demon on that hateful turf, actually getting past Seager before he snatched it out of nowhere like Rose’s sister the bomber pilot grabbing the detonator at the beginning of The Last Jedi. It’s not even really the throw either, which he accomplished without pausing to even look at first base, trusting that a decade of fielding hundreds of groundballs every day had built in the necessary motor memory to make actually seeing his target an unnecessary indulgence. No, for me, the most amazing thing about that play is what happens between the stop and the throw.

Do me a favor here, and go lay on your stomach, and stretch one arm above your head. Are you doing it? I don’t know how if you’re reading this still but if so thank you. Now, I want you from that position to see how long it takes you to stand up and be ready to do something else.

Did you do it? Wow you’re very compliant I’ll ask for your social security number next time. Anyway, the point here is neither Seager’s stop nor his throw matter at all if he doesn’t exert some incredible, kung-fu Matrix-level nonsense getting from one to the other in the time it takes to snap your fingers. In Seattle we’re spoiled by third base greatness but given the context game situation and speed of runner that is just about as fine a play as you’ll see a third baseman make.

Seager said afterward if the ball had gotten past him he wouldn’t have been able to sleep, because Kyle Seager’s mechanism for greatness is not a press towards success, but an eternal, endless-runner style flee from failure. We are sympatico in that way. I love Kyle Seager.

4. As an American in 2018 the idea of national pride is a thing I view with increased cynicism. We are a nation in many ways at war with ourselves over who are, and who we want to be. As such the concept of being the first Canadian to throw a no-hitter on Canadian soil in the major leagues is an achievement difficult for me to fully grasp. The sight postgame of Paxton looking into the crowd, pointing at his maple leaf tattoo, was something I would and do scoff at when I see Americans do similar things. Perhaps patriotism is something best experienced from the perspective of an outside observer, because this, this felt pretty damn cool to see. The crowd loved it, James loved it, I loved it.

5. As he continues to write what is increasingly becoming a story very worth telling, the tale of James Paxton is going to come back to the first half of 2016, and a start in San Diego when he got hit to hell. 3 2/3 IP, 10 H, 8 R is not the kind of line you point to and say “that’s the birth of a star,” but it was. Paxton struck out seven, and walked one. His delivery, once a confused mishmash of half ideas and awkward pauses and springs, was smooth and unencumbered. His arm slot was slightly lower. His command was improved, and oh by the way, the threw one hundred miles an hour now.

Since that time, the only thing that has stopped James Paxton from being one of the ten best starting pitchers alive has been health. He has taken everything, the bad nicknames from bad bloggers, the speculation that he profiled as a reliever, the arduous journey from the University of Kentucky to the big leagues, losing out on a rotation spot at the beginning of 2016, and he has done what aces do. He has shoved. He has shoved, and so far this year the Mariners have shoved right along with him. He stands now as one of the American League’s best pitchers, fully formed, a looming terror for any opponent every fifth day. He has thrown a no-hitter. He has bought it all with tears, seen and unseen, and no one can touch him now.

Go M’s. Go James.

 

Breakfast & Biz 4/24/18 – Crow Chef Mitch

shut up I don’t want to talk about it

I am, through nature and experience, extremely skeptical of unproven Mariner prospects. Poor Mariner fans are annually put in a situation where every team is excited about someone or something, and as Mariner fans until recently could not convince themselves of the team’s overall quality, we desperately cling to the hope of a Justin Smoak here, a Clint Nageotte there, a Mike Ford seemingly everywhere.

So it’s with that background that I rolled my eyes at Mitch Haniger. He was too old, too little minor league track record, no major league track record. I did what I do with these things; watch the tape, talk to some people, look at the numbers, and said no. This was not the guy Mariner fans wanted him to be. This was more false hope.

I was loud about my doubt last Spring Training, and have been largely paying for it ever since. Last night, in a miserable loss to a miserable White Sox team, Haniger homered for the fourth straight night. He now has a wRC+ of 197. His line of .324/395/.716 looks like something from the Kingdome.

I’m going to double down slightly, and say that Haniger isn’t this good. Hell, almost no one is this good. A month of hitting with a 197 wRC+ is about the peak of even a great player’s ability. But Haniger’s numbers don’t show anything screaming for regression. His BABIP is .313. His K/BB percentages are in line with previously established norms. The only real question at this point is if Haniger can continue to hit the ball as hard as all damn hell when he makes contact. If he does that, and the slugging stays above .600, the Mariners may finally have the under 30, cost controlled six+ win player they haven’t had since Franklin Gutierrez in 2009, and easily their most exciting position player talent since Kyle Seager.

Mitch Haniger is not all that much fun, when he’s not hitting the ball like Mike Trout. Actually now that I think of it neither is Mike Trout. Anyway, Mitch’s next interesting character trait shown will be his first. His uniform sleeves flap around in the breeze like he’s in Little League, and his defense is…….fine? It’s fine. Maybe it’s better than that. The numbers say it is, but I’m a stubborn man and don’t feel like being 100% wrong this morning.

It’s important with this stuff to own up when you’re wrong. I think at this point I got Mitch wrong, and I owe him an apology. He has very politely and blandly stuffed the crow down my gullet. Mitch: I am sorry. You are a good baseball man.

Overall the 2018 Mariners appear to be in a tough spot. They do not have a good starting pitcher, let alone many necessitating an entire rotation. But where Jerry Dipoto’s eyes for arms has largely come up snake eyes, he pried a good player out of the desert in Mitch Haniger. At worst he is a cheap, slightly above average corner outfielder for the next 3-5 years. At best, he’s a hitter the likes of which the Mariners haven’t had at this point in their career in decades. Sucks I had to be wrong, though. I’ll hold that against him for a bit.

Go M’s.