Mariners fall to the Angels, 5-3: A Fitness Journey

By Ethan N on August 5, 2020

This game started out with what seemed to be a very bad decision.

Sitting in my living room and feeling a bit sluggish, I decided to issue a small challenge to myself as I prepared to watch the Seattle Mariners take on the Los Angeles Angels. The idea was simple and not unheard of: every time a Mariner pitcher surrendered a hit or walk, I would take part in some sort of fitness activity. The parameters were as follows:

Single = 10 push-ups
Double = 10 burpees
Triple = 20 burpees
Home run = 60-second plank
Walk = 20 jumping jacks
Pitcher makes an error = 10 push-ups + 10 burpees + 10 squats

It seemed harmless enough, and I figured it’d be an easy way to avoid spending three hours on the couch. Sure, there may be a bumpy stretch here and there, but the Mariners’ rotation was on a hot streak and I was sure that Justin Dunn would keep it goi–

Ah, shoot. Well, that is Mike Trout for you! He crushes the Mariners, and now he has Dad Instincts on his side. Besides, I wanted to exercise. A sixty-second plank isn’t that much in the grand scheme of things. Most people are capable of doing most things for a minute.

It was at this point in time that I remembered that time doesn’t work the same way in plank world as it does in the real world. In plank world, time slows to a crawl. Seconds are minutes, minutes are hours. That one quote, the one about leaving your hand on a hot stove for a minute feeling like an hour? It’s all true. I am operating on Jered Weaver fastball levels of speed. Everything burns. Everything is pain. I hate Mike Trout more in this moment than I ever have, and likely ever will. Congrats on the kid, Mike, you jerk.

As I finished planking, Anthony Rendon struck out. I think about how much Dunn has this under control, how much I have this under control. I am relaxed.

None of the four balls are remotely close. The baseball gods might as well have poked me in the eye and said “do these push-ups, dummy”. Push-ups are fine, though, just as long as I don’t have to do another plank. My goodness, don’t make me do another plank. Dunn rocks and fires to Albert Pujols. I am calm.

I want to scream. My yoga mat cackles as I drag myself straight back to the floor and grind out another minute. I’m mad at Albert Pujols. I’m mad at Justin Dunn. I’m mad at the Mariners. Deep down, though, I’m most upset with myself.

The Angels would add another walk and a single before the inning concluded.

On a more serious note, there isn’t much hidden context here. Dunn struggled mightily with his command in the first inning, either missing the zone horribly or leaving pitches up a tad too high. The first inning was, for the most part, what we’ve typically seen from Dunn: interesting stuff with absent command.

The game had completed a whole half-inning, and I had already performed two one-minute planks, forty jumping jacks, and ten push-ups. When Dunn came out for the second, I was scared for two reasons:

Dunn was still out on that mound, command-less.
Dunn’s pitch count was already incredibly high, meaning we were likely looking at a long night from one of the worst bullpens in baseball.

When Dunn walked two of the first three batters in the following inning–pushing the jumping jack total up to 80 just 1 1/3 innings in–I was sure this game would be the death of me.

It was at this point, however, that the game’s scoring action came to a screaming halt. The next fifteen Angels would be sat down in order, a result of both Dunn settling in and strong relief appearances from Carl Edwards Jr. and Joey Gerber. My heart rate would not tick up in the slightest again until the seventh, when a Luis Rengifo single and a David Fletcher two-run dinger sent me back to my yoga mat. Jason Castro’s ninth-inning single would be the final blow, giving me a final tally of 3 one-minute planks, 80 jumping jacks, and 30 push-ups. It was certainly nowhere near as bad as the dystopia I envisioned following the first inning.

And yet, while the Mariners’ arms were able to take control of the game following the first inning, the bats were never quite able to catch up.

Austin Nola got the scoring started in the sixth inning when he just managed to squeak a hard line drive past a diving Brian Goodwin, scoring Kyle Seager and cutting the deficit to 3-1. One inning later (and following the two-run shot by Fletcher), Dylan Moore had the biggest moment of the night, turning on an up-and-in, 96 miles per hour fastball and sending a moonshot into the left field seats.

Walk up to any fan and show them the picture below, then ask them what they think the outcome of the swing is:

If anyone predicts that this will result in a dinger, it’s likely because they realized it’s all a trick question. Pitches located that well at that velocity thrown at a bench utility player shouldn’t result in a towering home run to left field, and yet, here we are. Dylan Moore did the danged thing.

The Mariners’ third run would come in the 8th on a soft, RBI blooper from Austin Nola. This would be the Mariners’ final base runner of the evening.

Final score: Angels 5 – Mariners 3

This was a bit of a weird game, with pitching dominance sandwiched by offensive bursts. At one point, this article had the headline ‘Mariners and Angels play one inning, take nap”, but then a lot happened in a short amount of time in the final few innings and I went deep into rewrite. Regardless, the Mariners have now lost four straight and we are beginning to see the fading of hope that they’re able to pull off some shenanigans in this odd season.

/clears throat

TO THE BULLET POINTS:

Dylan Moore had a game, everybody. In addition to the stellar home run, Moore added a double and a nice running grab out in right field. The season is young and there’s much to see, but I’ve really enjoyed watching Dylan Moore play baseball in 2020.
Kyle Lewis’ ability to drive the ball to wherever the heck he pleases stayed present. With one out in the eighth, Lewis took a 95 mile per hour fastball on the outer edge and drove a deep fly ball off the right field wall for a double. The swing-and-miss is still there, and you’ll see the numbers come back down to earth, but there are so many encouraging pieces to point at right now. The way he’s able to let the ball get deep and still manage to go out for a drive is not easy, and I’m finding myself glued to the screen during his at-bats.
Evan White finished 0-for-4 with two strikeouts, dropping his slash line down to .114/.204/.205 for the season. The most crucial aspect of this rebuild is how the Mariners handle things when prospects struggle against big league competition, so I’m curious to see the process should White not turn it around relatively soon.
Joey Gerber made his major league debut and looked every bit as hectic as always. Watching him pitch–frantic mechanics and all–can be an exhausting experience for the viewer, but it can be even more of a pain to the hitter. Gerber recorded a line out, ground out, and fly out in a simple 1-2-3 sixth inning. The reliever stuck mostly with his four-seam and two-seam (topping out at 95 mph), but managed to mix in a couple sliders.
Oh, I almost forgot, Kyle Lewis made a leaping catch at the wall! He is so much fun, you guys.