If you’re a Mariners fan, you probably have some lovely memories associated with the designated hitter position. Ken Phelps! Edgar Martinez! Ken Griffey Junior’s reunion tour! (But only the 2009 version.) Nelson Cruz and his eyebrows! That’s why it’s cool to have the DH … in the American League.

But in the National League? Not so fast! The Senior Circuit has different rules, different strategies, and different aesthetics than the AL, and there are a lot of reasons to think twice before adopting a universal DH.

NL fans don’t want a DH

Back in May, SBNation conducted a big ol’ poll asking baseball fans whether or not they wanted MLB to add the DH to the NL. Although baseball fans approved of this measure overall, fans of NL teams clearly rejected this proposal by a vote of 57-43 against. This was not a scientific poll, but it’s probably a not-terrible indicator of the general sentiment. AL fans realllllly want the NL to have a DH, while NL fans do not.

So, who do you listen to? The fans who are highly invested in the nuance and tradition of NL baseball? Or the other fans? The ones who lean hard into their own version of baseball, insisting that pitchers hitting is obviously bad because all they do is strikeout and baseball should be more exciting and the NL should change their norms to align with what AL fans want, duh. Ethnocentrism is good, actually.

AL fans need to SHUT UP about how boring it is watching pitchers hit because they almost never have to watch pitchers hit

The most common complaint that you hear from whiney AL fans is that watching pitchers hit is boring. Wah. And you know what? MAYBE this is true. But so much of baseball is boring! And you know what else? Pitchers account for a small percentage of plate appearances in MLB, especially in the American League.

Consider: In 2019, the average AL fan had to SUFFER through the absolute indignity of watching a pitcher on their team hit … 22 times over the course of a 162-game season. Approximately 0.35% of PA by AL teams were made by pitchers in 2019.

If you convert that into units of time using league-average numbers, you get the following:

3.95 pitches/PA * 22.4 sec/pitch * 22 PA by AL pitchers per season = 32.4 min/season = 12 sec/game

This is what people are getting upset about?!? Twelve seconds per game watching the pitchers on your team hit?! If you believe that a universal DH will solve whatever watchability problems you have with the sport, you’re probably the type of person who thinks that if millennials would just cut avocado toast expenditures from their budget they would finally be able to afford a house in Seattle. Congratulations, you’ve solved the economy.

This argument is especially rich if you’re a Mariners fan. You can’t bear the idea of getting to watch Marco Gonzales try and hit dingers a few times a year, and yet you excitedly watched Evan White strike out 84 times in 200 PA in 2020? Come on!

I was talking to a buddy who has a pro-universal-DH stance recently and he said that he didn’t really notice a difference in 2020, with the temporary rule change. NO SHIT, YOU’RE ONLY SAVING 12 SECONDS PER GAME. Imagine causing a big kerfuffle about how terrible pitchers hitting is and then not even noticing/appreciating it when you get your way. Such entitlement! (Love you, B.)

Pitchers hitting leads to some of the weirdest, most memorable moments in baseball

As a baseball fan, if you put up with the occasional wimpy AB by a pitcher, you get to appreciate something truly weird and special once in a blue moon. And it’s worth it! Small debits over the course of a season lead to truly special moments every once in a while. Weird baseball is the very best baseball. This isn’t about being a hidebound traditionalist; it’s about giving yourself the chance to experience something completely memorable and special.

Imagine living in a world where Félix never got out the rye bread and mustard or the Big Unit never got a big fly. Where pitchers didn’t get to have their unexpected, magical moments every October. Where Bart never went bang.

The cost for these flashes of unadulterated baseball brilliance is so, so small on a day-to-day basis. And the payoff is so big. If we can just manage to overcome the childish, short-sighted impulse to demand instant gratification, we absolutely benefit in the long run. The mythos that surrounds pitchers hitting can be so good. But a universal DH would take that away moving forward.

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If NL fans wanted a universal DH, a universal DH might make sense. But they don’t.

If pitchers batting actually caused fans a significant amount of distress and boredom, a universal DH might make sense. But it doesn’t.

If getting rid of pitcher ABs wouldn’t cost fans some miraculously weird baseball moments, a universal DH might make sense. But it would.

Instead of demanding that the culture of a different league be altered to meet their expectations, AL fans should try and appreciate the many quirks and benefits that accompany NL rules. There are so many of them! AL fans should do what they can to respect the wishes of their brothers and sisters who root for NL teams. Unfortunately, with noted baseball-hater Robby Manfred calling the shots in MLB, the whimsy imparted by pitchers hitting is likely to be steamrolled in the name of “progress.” And that’s a damn shame.