It's a Metaphor Dumbass

Mariners Announce Green Energy Initiative To Power T-Mobile Park Through Free Agency Whiffs

(MARCH 21, 2022 – SEATTLE, WA) Seattle Mariners Chairman & Managing Partner John Stanton today announced a green energy initiative to power T-Mobile Park exclusively through the wind forces generated by the club’s numerous whiffs in free agency.

“Seattle and the greater Pacific Northwest are passionate and creative leaders in the clean energy space, and as a representative of the region the Mariners organization has an obligation to help battle climate change however we can,” Stanton said. “The gale force winds generated by the club’s whiffs in free agency this offseason were an enormous source of untapped energy that provided us a golden opportunity to bring green energy to T-Mobile Park and lower operational costs. We’re thrilled to be doing our part, and know that the magenta turbines of the T-Mobile Wind Farm will be a unique park fixture for years to come.”

“The Mariners goal, from John and the partnership group, our baseball operation and throughout our front office is to spend as little, and extract as much, money as possible.” said President of Baseball Operations Jerry Dipoto. “Things looked dicey for a moment after we accidentally signed Robbie Ray to a nine-figure deal, but I’m proud to say that we really fell flat on our face after the lockout and did our part to make this dream a reality.”

The T-Mobile Wind Farm will be located behind the left field bleachers, Sections 181 through 187. It is on track to be installed and fully operational by Opening Day on April 15th.